A paraprosdokian is a phrase with an unexpected ending

Not the sort of thing I would usually post here, but it made me smile, not something I expected today!

Some of these are clever..............
Ø    Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his  level and beat you with experience.   
Ø    Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than  standing in a garage makes you a car.  
Ø    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.  
Ø   Light travels faster  than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them  speak. 
Ø   If I agreed with you we'd both  be wrong.
Ø    We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in  public.
Ø    War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Ø   Knowledge  is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit  salad.
Ø    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets  the cheese.
Ø    Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and  then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 
Ø    To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from  many is research.  
Ø   A bus station  is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my  desk, I have a work station.  
Ø   How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Ø   Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them some fish.
Ø   A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it. 
Ø   Why does someone  believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when  you say the paint is wet?  
Ø   Women  will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a  bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are  sexy.

Ø   Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.   
Ø   A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.  
Ø   Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Ø    Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. 
Ø   Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.   
Ø   I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.  
Ø   Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.  
Ø   When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.  
Ø   You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Ø   To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.  
Ø   A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. 
Ø   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.